Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
