Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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