You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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