Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
