i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
