I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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