I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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