we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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