maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
