apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
