can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
