She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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