it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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