i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
