I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am mentally ready for anal.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
