Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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