just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize