If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
