you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
