i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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