Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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