just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
