im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize