the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize