My nipple is on Facebook.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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