I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
