I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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