God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
