careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
