gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
