My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you mean i was at the winter classic?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
