I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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