May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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