i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
