plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
