apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
