Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
