I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
