I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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