hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
