TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
