Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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