pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
