Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
