they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
