You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
