just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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