you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
