Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
