one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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