All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
