peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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