I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
