I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
