great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
