If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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