CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
