my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
