Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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