I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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