You smell like stripper and shame
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You don't make any sense
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