yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
