He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
