And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
