I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
