I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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