Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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