if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
