i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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