I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
