I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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