So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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