Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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