when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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